I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
