i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
