You really coming over, don't trick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
