His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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