I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
