just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
