You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
