I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
