my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
