come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
