In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
