so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
