don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
