Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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