No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
