You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
