I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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