I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
