I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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