it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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