Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
