She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
