I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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