If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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