he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
