wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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