you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
