pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
