Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
