you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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