she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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