just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
