Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
