no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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