Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
