You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
