Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
