i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
