How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
