I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
