And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My balls are so social today.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
