Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
