Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
