i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
