you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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