I didn't shave. On purpose
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
