oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
