i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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