i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
