Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
