SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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